Bob
The following interview was conducted between Victoria and Jan, Bob’s wife of 48 years and primary caregiver from onset of symptoms in 2018 to January 2022, when he moved into The Phoenix at Hammond’s Memory Care Community.
VICTORIA: First, tell us a little bit about your loved one.
JAN: My husband, Robert (Bob) Madden was born in 1943 and raised with two younger sisters, in Denver, CO. He enlisted in the Navy in 1960, serving four years as a radio operator on the USS Boyd, then Yokosuka, Japan where his first of two daughters was born. Returning to Denver, he began a job as car man with the Union Pacific Railroad. After several years, the railroad transferred him to Cheyenne, WY where he met and married me in 1975. Bob was hired by the Association of American Railroads as a mechanical inspector/auditor, and we were transferred to Hammond, LA in 1986 where we reside today. He retired from railroading after 40+ years.
Bob has had so many hobbies and interests in his lifetime, but the most passionate are Amateur Radio where he sent Morse Code and talked all over the world, painting, motorcycle riding, camping, fishing, and tinkering, always coming up with inventions....why buy it when you can make it.
VICTORIA: When was he formally diagnosed?
JAN: Bob received his diagnosis in 2020.
VICTORIA: What is his formal diagnosis?
JAN: His formal diagnosis is undetermined dementia with behavior disturbance.
VICTORIA: How long did he present with symptoms before he was diagnosed?
JAN: In 2018 I began noticing out of character behaviors such as memory issues, saying odd things, rather delusional. In 2019 people began to ask me what was wrong with Bob, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. As his behavior became extremely delusional, he was hospitalized at a psychiatric facility, then formally diagnosed with undetermined dementia with behavior disturbance. This was the first time we heard the term Sundowner Syndrome. The neurologist told us dementia is progressive but not fatal. Bob was able to remain at home with the help of numerous medications, adaptations to the house such as double keyed deadbolts and alarms, GPS tracking device, occasional sitters and much prayer.
VICTORIA: What has been the most difficult situation/ change to handle since diagnosis?
JAN: Despite the delusions, paranoia, anxiety, confusion, fear, running off and constant care, I have to say relinquishing his care to others. It has never seemed right for him not to be at home with me. In January, 2022, after a fourth hospital commitment, it became clear home was not appropriate or safe for Bob any longer, so he was placed in memory care at the Phoenix at Hammond where he resides safe and comfortable today.
VICTORIA: What has been a silver lining, comical relief, or funny occurrence since their diagnosis?
JAN: Thinking back over the last four years of shock, regret, overwhelming sadness, fatigue, fear, and anxiety, I have to laugh about a funny instance with Bob. He was not to ride his big BMW motorcycle anymore, so it was parked in our shed, and I had the key hidden. One day while I was away shopping, Bob decided to take the motorcycle out for a putt, as he called it, and, of course, he had his own hidden key. He rode safely, but when he attempted to ride up the ramp into the shed, he misjudged, riding too close to the side of the shed, jamming the bike and himself against the shelves against the wall. He was unable to move the bike or get off of it, so realizing he was trapped inside where no one could see him to help, he called 911. The emergency squad and paramedics came to his rescue. By the time I returned he was safely inside the house, although, completely drenched in sweat and was too embarrassed to tell me what happened. Our neighbor texted me with the story. A funny prologue: Months later the EMT's were called due to an illness, and as they loaded Bob onto the stretcher, one of the paramedics told me he had been one of the responders when Bob got stuck in the shed. Both of us had a good chuckle.
VICTORIA: How old is Bob at the time of this photoshoot?
JAN: Bob is 80.
VICTORIA: What is the significance of the clothing/props selected for these photographs?
JAN: We chose props that would emulate his legacy. He wore his railroad shirt, his amateur radio call letters cap along with his Morse Code key and one of his beloved paintings from the wall of his apartment.
VICTORIA: What are your thoughts on how he responded to the photoshoot?
JAN: Bob was very confused during the photo shoot, but he tapped out something on the key. The photographer asked him what he said, and Bob simply said, "Bob". Now, every family member has these three framed photos on displayed in our homes. Bob's photos and stories are cherished by all of us.
VICTORIA: What advice would you give to a family member at the beginning of their diagnosis journey with a loved one?
JAN: I would like to offer others who are enduring this heartbreaking condition, a bit of my experience. Dementia causes diminishing intellect, memory and reasoning, therefore, the caregiver becomes everything for them. There may be times that certain decisions collide with what the demented person seems to want. Never hesitate to make those difficult decisions that will keep them safe and comfortable, such as residential placement. As hard as placing him away from me was, I realize today it was the best thing I have ever done for Bob
VICTORIA: In your opinion, what is your loved one's lasting legacy?
JAN: Bob's legacy will always be his constant desire to learn new things, be the very best and his love and commitment to hobbies and interests. Years ago Bob spent many months writing about his life. There are 23 stories that he published and bound into a book entitled, "My Stories". He has shared his book with all family members, so each of us has his written legacy straight from him.....his memories, forever memorialized, and we thank him for that.
